This is the article that appeared in the October 2024 edition of Catalyst, our monthly journal. The date that prints out reflects the day that it was uploaded to our website. For a more accurate date of when the article was first published, check out the news release, here.
On March 27, 2023, Audrey Elizabeth Hale, murdered three adults and three 9-year-old children at Covenant School in Nashville, Tennessee. A transgender person, who mistakenly thought she was a boy, Hale had been treated at the time for “emotional disorder.” She kept a log of her problems, detailing how she was planning a mass shooting. Thanks to a lawsuit brought by the Tennessee Star, her manifesto has been made public.
[The quotes are as written by Hale. No corrections were made.]
Hale, who sometimes referred to herself as Aiden, was a terribly despondent person who saw little reason to live. “Nothing on Earth can save me,” she wrote in her diary. Other times she would say things like, “Everything Hurts” and “I hurt bad enough & long enough that I Need to DIE.” She confessed, “Everything makes me sad. I’m sad about everything.” “Being Me Sucks.”
If there was one person she said she loved, it was Paige Patton, whom she referred to as P.A.P., or the “brown girl.” She was a radio host. They played basketball together in the eighth grade and remained in occasional contact thereafter. Hale referenced Paige in her diary, saying, “If I cry all day, it’s cause I need your love.”
She was also fond of Nikki Tidwell, whom she met at the Nossi College of Art. On January 16, 2023, just over two months before Hale went on her shooting spree, she let her know of her plans. “I’m so sorry, Nikki. I didn’t plan my massacre on the 17th, I’m going to be in terrible s*** for leaving you. How bad my heart hurts. Tomorrow is my last day on Earth. I love you, I am so sorry. Audrey (Aiden).”
Then she had second thoughts: “(P.S. Not leaving yet. I couldn’t do it. I don’t want to ruin your day. I’ll wait as planned. Audrey.” It was even more bizarre to learn that literally two days before the shooting began, Hale showed up at a birthday party for Nikki.
If there was one factor that accounted for Hale’s profound unhappiness it was her adamant rejection of her nature. She hated the fact that she was not a male. “Why does my brain not work right?? Cause I was Born Wrong!!!” She opined, “A terrible feeling to know I am nothing of the gender I was born of. I am the most unhappy boy alive. I wish to be dead.”
She took out her internal problems on society. “Everything hurts. And I hate society b/c society ignores to see me. I’m a queer; I am meant to die.” She even wrote a statement titled, My Imaginary Penis wherein she said, “My penis exists in my head. I swear to god I’m a male.”
Hale was angry that she somehow let girls down. “Major blow to girls; I am a boy that has no penis.” She was also angry at God. “If God won’t give me a boy body in heaven, then Jesus is a faggot.”
She hated her father. In a post titled, “Dad problems,” she wrote, “He never once loved me for years, maybe like ever.” She declared, “You’re a loser. I hate you…I don’t care if you die. I want to kill you.” She even condemned him on the day of the mass murder.
Days before she went on her rampage, Hale spoke of her darkness. “Soon I will leave this world…I will regret nothing…No regrets by the gun!!!”
She was mentally ready. “For 5 years I planned to die. Now I am finally ready to go.”
Then, in a clear reference to Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, the high school seniors who killed 12 students and one teacher in the 1999 Columbine High School massacre, she wrote, “I want my massacre to end in a way that Eric & Dylan would be proud of.”
On the day of the killing, Hale boasted, “Nature needs enigmas…I am one, Thank God.” More ominously, she scribbled, “DEATH. Today is the day. The day has finally come!”
She gave a shout-out to Paige, saying she was ready to roll. “Please don’t be mad….” She added, “P.S. I think God will enter me in heaven. If I do go there, I’ll be waiting for you. All our pain will leave us.”
She really did believe in God. Much earlier she had written, “God is love, so are you.” But on that fateful day, she begged forgiveness. “Forgive me God, This act will be inglorious.”
Hale gave Paige a heads up just before she pulled the trigger. She contacted her and said, “I’m planning to die today. This is not a joke. You will probably hear about me on the news after I die.” Thirteen minutes later the shooting began.
Transgender persons are not normal and it is cruel to pretend otherwise. They need help. That does not mean affirming their sick status—it means getting to the source of their troubles. If that means anything, it means not treating conditions like Hale’s as if they were merely an “emotional disorder.” What she suffered from was much more serious.
